I’d like to think that I have a high tolerance for bad movies, largely because there are a variety of levels of “bad”.

There are movies that know they’re bad, that relish the fact that they’re poorly produced, and just embrace that fact as much as possible (Snakes on a Plane).  There are movies that are so bad that they’re cheesy, yet still have some endearing qualities (Demolition Man).  There are movies so bad that they offend your general sensibilities and you can’t watch them (I walked out after 30 minutes of Cop Out).

And then there are the train wrecks.  The ones that start bad.  And then get worse.  These are the movies where you can’t bear to look away. You find yourself transfixed.  You stare at the screen, wondering when a movie will hit rock bottom, thinking it’s gotten there… and then it just keeps going.  These are the movies where you wonder how, in their right minds, a director, studio executive, or someone in the film’s creative process didn’t say “Y’know… this is crap.”.

Salt is one of those movies.

At roughly 35 minutes into Salt, I had to bite the piece of skin between my thumb and forefinger.  I was laughing so hard that I was afraid I might disturb the other patrons, and was trying to get myself to stop.  Because there is no intentional comedy in Salt.  Nothing is played for laughs.  Salt tries to be this serious movie.  And instead, what you get is one of the worst films this year.

I’m going to tell you more about Salt after the jump, and there are a few specific mentions of the movie included.  I wouldn’t call them “Spoilers”, because I’m not really trying to ruin anything. I just want to do my civic duty.